How to tell if someone is really single

Just Senior Singles exists for people who are actually single. That's the whole idea. But nobody can check what a person writes in their profile, including the line that says "single", "divorced" or "widowed". The good news is that being really single shows up in ordinary ways, and so does not being single.

Why it's worth knowing early

Most people you meet will be honest. A few won't be, for a few different reasons, and it helps to know which one you're dealing with.

• Married or living with a partner: looking for something on the side.
• Separated, but not really: still sharing a home or finances, or still hoping to get back together.
• Recently out of something and not ready: single on paper, but not yet free to start again.
• Not who they say at all: a romance scammer, for whom the "marriage" or "divorce" is part of a story.

The first three may simply waste your time and hurt your feelings. The fourth wants your money. The signs below help with all four.

Signs someone may not be as single as they say

One sign on its own usually means nothing. People have busy lives, night shifts and private natures. A few together is a pattern worth noticing.

Gentle questions that tell you a lot

You don't need to interrogate anyone. Open, friendly questions, asked once you've been talking for a while, usually tell you what you need. For example:

• "How long have you been on your own?"
• "Do you live on your own, or do you have family at home?"
• "What does a normal weekend look like for you?"
• "Is your divorce all settled, or still going through?"
• "Would you like to have a video call one evening this week?"

Listen to how they answer as much as what they say. Someone who is genuinely single usually answers easily and asks you the same back. Someone who isn't tends to change the subject, give a different answer next time, or turn the question round as if you've accused them.

If they say they're separated

Separated can mean many things. Ask, kindly, about the practical parts: do they live apart, are their finances separate, and is there a plan for the divorce? Someone who has truly moved on usually doesn't mind saying so. If you'd rather only date people whose divorce is final, it's fine to say that early, before feelings get involved.

Green flags: what really single looks like

The reassuring signs are just as easy to spot, and they tend to arrive naturally as things go well.

• They're easy to reach at ordinary times, including some evenings and weekends.
• They're happy to video call, sometimes from home.
• They talk about their living situation, family and friends without awkwardness.
• Their story stays the same over weeks and months.
• In time, they introduce you to friends or family, and they're glad to meet yours.
• Their profile is clear about what they're looking for, and they act like it.
• They've ID-checked their profile, so you can see their face matched an ID. That doesn't prove they're single, but it does show they're a real person willing to stand behind their photos.

If you're the one whose situation is complicated

Plenty of honest people are separated, recently widowed or still untangling a divorce. That's fine. What matters is saying so, plainly and early, so the other person can decide for themselves.

Put it on your profile in a line, for example: "Separated since last spring and living on my own; the divorce should be final this year." Then answer questions about it without fuss. Being straightforward about your own situation is the surest way to attract people who will be straightforward about theirs. It also means nobody has to play detective, which is better for everyone.

If you're not ready yet, there's no shame in waiting. A few more months to settle things often makes the start of something new far easier.

What the site can and can't do

Being honest about this is part of the promise. On Just Senior Singles, every photo is reviewed before it goes live, and members can ID-check their profile and get a badge, so you can see who has. Marital status, age, job and everything else a member writes about themselves are their own words. The ID check, explained sets out exactly what the badge does and doesn't tell you.

What you can always do is report and block any profile, from the profile itself. If someone you've been talking to turns out to be married and still claims to be single, report the profile.

When "not really single" is really a scam

Romance scammers often explain away odd hours, secrecy or a reluctance to meet with a story: a spouse who is dying, a bitter divorce that froze their bank account, a job overseas that keeps them from calling. Sooner or later, the story turns into a request for money.

If that happens, stop. Never send money to someone you've met online and haven't met in person. Never send money: the scripts scammers use shows the lines they use and calm ways to say no, and our guide to telling a real profile from a scam has checks you can do on their photos.

Ending it if you need to

If you find out someone isn't single, you don't owe them a debate. A short message is enough, for example: "I'm looking for someone who's free to be with me, and I don't think that's you. I wish you well." Then stop replying, and block them if they keep writing.

It can sting, especially if you'd started to like them. Take a break if you need one. When you're ready, your first date after 50 and dating after 50 when you haven't dated in years are good places to pick things back up.