How to write a dating profile over 50

Most people dread writing a dating profile more than the date itself. It feels like writing an advertisement for yourself. It's easier if you think of it as a note to one person you'd like to meet: friendly, honest and a little bit specific.

What a dating profile is for

A dating profile has two jobs: to help the right people recognize that you might suit them, and to give them something easy to write to you about. It doesn't have to make everyone like you. If a few people read it and think "I'd enjoy talking to them," it's working.

That changes how you write it. You're not trying to sound impressive. You're trying to sound like you, and to leave a few doors open for a first message.

Show, don't list

The most common mistake is a list of adjectives: "kind, honest, loyal, good sense of humor, enjoys travel and dining out." Nearly everyone writes that, so it tells the reader nothing.

Swap each adjective for a detail. Here's an example of the difference.

Before (example): "I'm a fun-loving, caring person who enjoys travel, good food and the outdoors. Looking for someone honest with a good sense of humor."

After (example): "Retired school librarian, still incapable of passing a used bookstore. Most mornings I walk the river trail with my terrier, Biscuit, and on Fridays I cook for whoever turns up. Last spring I finally saw Yellowstone and I'd go back tomorrow. I'm hoping to meet a man who likes a good conversation over dinner and doesn't mind a dog who thinks she owns the sofa."

The second one gives a reader four things to ask about. That's what you want.

Swaps that make a profile come alive

Here are some common phrases and what to write instead. The right-hand column shows examples; use your own details.

A simple shape to follow

If you're stuck, try three short paragraphs:

1. Who you are now. What you do or did for work, the area you live in (not the street), and how you spend a normal week.
2. What you enjoy. Two or three specific things, ideally with a small detail or story attached.
3. What you're looking for. One or two plain sentences, for example: "I'd like to meet someone for dinners, day trips and good conversation, and see where it goes." Or: "Looking for a long-term partner; I'd be happy to marry again."

Write it in your own voice, the way you'd talk to a new friend. If you're funny, be funny. If you're not, don't force it. Warmth matters more than wit.

How to say what you're looking for

Be as clear as you can about the kind of relationship you want. People over 50 want all sorts of things, and none of them is wrong:

• Companionship: someone for meals, outings and conversation.
• A relationship without moving in: some couples keep their own homes and see each other often.
• A long-term partner or marriage: say so, kindly and without pressure.
• Not sure yet: that's honest too. "Open to seeing where things go" is fine.

Fill in the profile details as well, such as the age range and distance you'd consider, religion, whether you have children, and whether you smoke or drink. Other members use these to find people, so honest answers bring you better matches.

What to leave out

• Personal details. No street address, workplace, phone number, email or surname. Profiles on Just Senior Singles are shared with partner sites in the same network, so more people than you might think can read yours.
• Money. Nothing about savings, your house or your pension. Scammers read profiles too, and the FTC warns that romance scammers build trust before asking for money.
• Exes. A brief "divorced" or "widowed" is fine. Anything longer belongs to a later conversation.
• A list of what you don't want. "No drama, no liars, no players" reads as bruised, not choosy.
• Health detail. Mention it if it affects what you can do ("I'm not up to long hikes any more, but I love a stroll and a long lunch"), and leave the rest for later.

Be honest about the facts

Give your real age, your real height and photos that look like you today. If you're about to move, say so. Small fibs feel harmless when you write them, then make for an awkward first five minutes when you meet. On a site for over-50s, nobody is expecting you to look 35.

Your photos matter as much as your words. Our guide to taking good profile photos after 50 explains how to get good ones with a phone. Every photo on Just Senior Singles is reviewed before it appears.

Before you save it: a checklist

• Read it out loud. If it doesn't sound like you, change it.
• Count the details. Aim for at least three things someone could ask you about.
• Ask a friend. Someone who knows you will spot what's missing, and what's too much.
• Check the spelling. It matters more than it should.
• Look at it on a phone. That's how many people will read it. Our guide to using a dating site on your phone helps if you're new to it.
• Come back in a month. Add something new you've done.

Your profile, then your first messages

Once your profile is up, the next step is writing to people. The same rule applies: be specific. Mention something from their profile and ask a question.

Example first message: "Your photo from the Grand Canyon rim caught my eye. Did you hike down, or sensibly admire it from the top?"

Our guide to dating after 50 when you haven't dated in years has more on first messages, and how it works explains what's free and what needs a membership. Creating a profile and browsing are free, so you can write yours, look around and decide later whether to pay to read and reply.

Before you start chatting, spend a few minutes reading how to spot a fake dating profile. It will make the profiles you read easier to judge, too.