Meeting a match in person for the first time

Nearly every first meeting is just what it looks like: two slightly nervous people having coffee. A few easy habits make sure it stays that way, and they quickly become second nature.

The checklist at a glance

If you only read one part of this page, make it this list. Each item is explained below.

Before you go

Most of the safety work happens before you leave the house, and it takes very little time.

• Have a video call first. It confirms the person looks like their photos and gives you a feel for them. Our guide to setting up a video call explains how.
• Search their name. Along with their town, or with the word "scam". It takes two minutes. How to spot a fake dating profile has more quick checks.
• Choose the place yourself, or together. Somewhere public and busy, in daylight: a café, a restaurant at lunchtime, a popular park or museum. Not their home, and not yours.
• Tell a friend. Who you're meeting (name and a screenshot of their profile), where, and when. Agree a time you'll text to say you're fine, and what they should do if you don't.
• Plan your own way there and back. Drive, take a taxi or use public transport. Don't accept a lift from someone you haven't met.
• Charge your phone. And carry a little cash for a taxi, just in case.

Sharing your location with a friend

Many phones let you share where you are with someone you trust, for an hour or until you turn it off. On an iPhone, the Find My app does this; on Android phones, Google Maps has a location-sharing option. If you haven't done it before, ask a family member to set it up with you a day ahead, so you're not fiddling with it on the day.

What to tell your friend

A short message is enough. For example: "Meeting Robert from the dating site at the Main Street café, 11 till about 12.30. Screenshot of his profile attached. I'll text you by 1. If you don't hear from me, call me."

Choosing where to meet

The best first-date places are busy, easy to leave and have a natural end point.

Pick somewhere you know, if you can. You'll feel more at ease, and you'll know where the exits, the restrooms and the taxi stand are.

During the date

Relax and enjoy it, while keeping a few sensible habits in the background.

• Arrive a few minutes early so you can choose where to sit, ideally somewhere you can see the door.
• Keep an eye on your drink and your bag. Don't leave them unattended.
• Go easy on alcohol. One glass is plenty on a first date.
• Keep personal details light. No need yet to share your full address, your workplace, your daily routine or anything about your finances.
• Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it's fine to leave early. If you feel unsafe, ask staff for help.

In the UK, many pubs and bars take part in a police-backed scheme called Ask for Angela. If a date makes you feel unsafe, asking staff for "Angela" tells them, discreetly, that you need help to get away. Not every venue takes part, so look for the posters.

Example ways to leave early

You don't owe anyone a long explanation. Any of these will do:

• "I'm going to head off now. Thank you for meeting me."
• "It was kind of you to come, but I don't think we're a match. I'll say goodbye here."
• "I've got to get going. Take care."

Getting home

Leave the way you came, under your own steam. If your date offers to walk you to your car or drive you home, a polite "thanks, I'm fine" is all you need. Then send that text to your friend.

If you'd like to see them again, say so, or send a short message later that day. If you wouldn't, it's kind to say so too. For example: "Thank you for today. I enjoyed meeting you, but I didn't feel the spark I'm looking for. I wish you all the best." Our guide to dating etiquette after 50 covers who calls whom and who pays.

As you get to know them

Keep meeting in public for the first few dates, and keep your home address private until you feel you know the person well. Notice how they react to small "no"s: someone who sulks, pushes or keeps checking where you are is showing you something important.

Warning signs worth taking seriously at any stage:

• pressure to move faster than you want, physically or otherwise
• anger when you say no, change plans or see friends
• constant calls or messages asking where you are
• questions about your savings, property or will

Money, at any stage

Never lend or give money to someone you've recently met, however reasonable the reason. The FBI's advice is to never send money to anyone you don't know personally, and to stop all contact if you suspect an online relationship is a scam. Our guide to romance scams aimed at people over 50 explains the warning signs.

Traveling to meet someone

Long-distance matches need extra care, because the usual safety nets are further away.

• Meet in public on arrival, not at their home or at the airport alone.
• Book and pay for your own accommodation, and give the address to a friend.
• Buy your own return ticket, so you can leave whenever you choose.
• Never pay for their travel to come and see you before you've met. Scammers often ask for help with a plane ticket or visa.

Our guide to long-distance relationships after 50 has more.

In an emergency

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call the emergency number for the country you're in. The FBI's IC3 gives the same advice for the US: call 911 or your local police.

For more, see your first date after 50 and our safety page.