Dating after 50 as a man

Plenty of men come back to dating after 50 feeling rusty. Maybe your late wife handled the social calendar, or you've spent years focused on work. The good news is that the things women over 50 tend to value are things you can control: honesty, good manners, curiosity and turning up when you said you would.

Start with an honest profile

Your photos matter more than anything you write. Use three to five recent pictures, taken within the last year or two, where your face is clear and you're smiling. Add one of you doing something you enjoy, whether that's fishing, cooking or walking the dog. Our guide to profile photos after 50 shows how to take good ones with your phone.

In the text, be specific. "I like travel and good food" describes everyone. Something like "I've been to every ballpark in the National League and I make a decent paella" (an example, not a script) describes a person. Say what you're looking for in plain words. Our guide to writing a profile over 50 has more examples.

Be honest about the facts, too: age, height, whether you smoke, whether you'd move. Small fibs come out on the first date and spoil it.

First messages that get a reply

A message that could be sent to anyone usually gets no answer; a message that shows you read her profile usually does.

Example: "You mention you've just taken up watercolors. What got you started? I tried a class last spring and my lake looked like soup."

That's just an illustration. The pattern is what matters:

1. Notice something specific in her profile.
2. Say something about yourself that connects to it.
3. Ask one easy question.

Keep it short and friendly, and leave anything about looks or sex out of it entirely. If she doesn't reply, don't send a second or third message. Move on, kindly.

Be realistic about age

It's natural to be drawn to younger faces. But if you set your sights well below your own age, you'll narrow your chances and miss women who share your references, your stage of life and often your sense of humor. Be open to women your own age and older. Many men find that's where the best conversations are.

The first date

A good first date is short, public and easy for her to reach. Suggest coffee, lunch or a walk somewhere busy, in daylight, for an hour or so. Be on time, put your phone away, and ask more than you tell.

Offer to pay if you like, but don't insist. Many women prefer to split the bill, and accepting that graciously is good manners too. Our guides to your first date after 50 and dating etiquette after 50 cover the details.

Keep talk of exes, health troubles and money light. There's time for all of that later.

Presentation still matters

You don't need new clothes, but you do need to look like you made an effort. A clean, pressed shirt, a recent haircut, trimmed nails and shoes that aren't your gardening pair go a long way. If you wear glasses to read, bring them; squinting at a menu is less charming than you'd think. And if a trusted friend or daughter offers style advice, it's worth hearing.

If you've been widowed

Men who've lost a wife sometimes go one of two ways: not dating at all for years, or rushing into something to fill the silence in the house. Neither is wrong, but it helps to notice which you're doing. Talking about your late wife is fine, and a kind partner will want to hear about her. Just make sure the woman in front of you feels seen as herself, not as a stand-in.

Pace and respect

Let things build. If she wants to take it slowly, that's not a rejection. Pushing for a second date, a kiss or her address before she's ready is the quickest way to lose her.

If you meet someone and it doesn't click, say so kindly:

Example: "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we're a match. I hope you find what you're looking for."

A short note like that is far better than vanishing.

Scams target men too

Romance scams aren't only aimed at women, and two versions are aimed squarely at men.

The investment romance

The FTC reports that one of the most common lines romance scammers use is having great investment advice to share. A charming new match who keeps mentioning a crypto or trading platform that's made her rich is a classic setup. So is a woman overseas who needs money for a visa, a plane ticket or a medical bill before she can come to meet you.

The FBI's advice: never send money to anyone you don't know personally, and never help anyone move money through your own account. If a match asks you to receive money and pass it on, say no and stop contact.

Threats over intimate photos

Sextortion is when someone persuades you to share intimate images or video, then threatens to send them to your family or friends unless you pay. It often starts with a fast, flattering chat that moves off the dating site quickly.

The FBI's advice, written for anyone targeted, is clear:

1. Don't pay. Paying doesn't make it stop; it usually leads to more demands.
2. Stop replying, but don't delete anything. Keep the messages and profile details as evidence.
3. Report it to the FBI at tips.fbi.gov, the Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov, or your local police.
4. Report the profile to the dating site.

The simplest protection is not to send intimate images to anyone you haven't met in person and come to trust. Read romance scams aimed at people over 50, our guide to spotting a fake dating profile, and where to report a romance scam.

Starting on Just Senior Singles

Joining, making a profile, browsing and saying hello are free. Reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership; see what it costs. Memberships renew automatically until you cancel in Settings > Billing, and the checkout shows the billing name that will appear on your card statement. Profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network, so members of those sites may see and message you too.