Senior singles groups, and how to find one you'll enjoy

Search for "senior singles groups" and you'll mostly find dating sites and event companies. The real groups are quieter. They meet in church halls, library rooms and restaurant back rooms, and they rarely put "singles" in the name, because most members don't want to feel they're being sized up.

So the trick is to look for groups where single people over 50 gather anyway, and to check that a group is what it says before you hand over money.

What counts as a senior singles group?

A senior singles group is any regular gathering where single people over 50 can meet, whether or not it uses the word "singles". There are three broad kinds:

All three can work. The second and third tend to last longer, because people come for the activity and stay for the company.

National networks worth knowing

A handful of national programs and networks have local branches almost everywhere. They are the quickest way to find a group that already exists.

United States

• Eldercare Locator. A free public service of the federal Administration for Community Living. Call or text 1-800-677-1116, or search at eldercare.acl.gov, to reach your local Area Agency on Aging, which knows the senior centers, classes and trips in your county.
• Osher Lifelong Learning Institutes (OLLI). Many universities run one, with noncredit classes for older adults, no tests or grades, plus clubs and social events. Search "Osher Lifelong Learning Institute" and your state.
• AmeriCorps Seniors RSVP. A national volunteer program for people 55 and over. Volunteering in a team is one of the most sociable ways to meet people.

United Kingdom

• u3a. A UK-wide movement of more than 1,000 locally run groups where people in retirement learn and do things together, from walking to languages.
• Ramblers. Group walks led by a walk leader, searchable by town or postcode.
• Men's Sheds. Community workshops for practical projects and conversation over tea; the UK Men's Sheds Association has a searchable map.

Australia

• U3A. Non-profit, volunteer-run groups offering low-cost learning to people who are retired or semi-retired. State networks list their member groups.

Our country pages for the United States, the UK and Australia have more detail and local advice lines.

Where the local listings hide

Start local and work outward:

• Senior centers. Most publish a monthly program of classes, meals and trips. Ask the staff whether any groups are popular with single members.
• Libraries. Check the events page and the notice board. Librarians are often the best-informed people in town about local clubs.
• Faith communities. Look in bulletins and newsletters for supper clubs, trips and groups for widowed or divorced members.
• Local papers and community calendars. Social clubs often advertise there because it's cheap and reaches older readers.

When you search online, add your town's name to phrases like "over 50s social club", "singles supper club", "widows and widowers group" or "beginner ballroom".

Five questions to ask before your first visit

A quick phone call or email saves a wasted evening:

1. Who runs it? A named volunteer, church, center or business is a good sign.
2. What happens at a typical meeting? Dinner, a walk, a talk, a dance?
3. Who usually comes? Ask about the rough age range and the balance of men and women. Honest organizers will tell you.
4. What does it cost? Per meeting, per year, and for extras like trips.
5. How long has it been going? A group with a few years behind it usually has a steady core of members.

Signs a group isn't worth your money

Most local groups are run by kind people on a shoestring. A few are businesses dressed up as clubs. Walk away if a group:

• Wants a large payment up front or asks you to sign a long contract
• Promises a set number of introductions or matches
• Has no fixed meeting place or won't give an address until you've paid
• Asks about your income, savings or home before you've even met anyone
• Pressures you to decide on the spot

Your first meeting: how to walk in alone

Nearly everyone arrives alone the first time. Get there a few minutes early, when the room is quieter and the organizer has time to introduce you. Have one easy question ready, such as "How long have you been coming?"

Don't judge a group on one visit. Give it three. By the third time, people know your name, and you'll know whether you want to keep going.

Can't find one? Start one

If nothing suits you, a small group is easy to start. Here's a simple way to do it:

1. Pick one activity and one regular time, such as lunch on the first Thursday of the month.
2. Choose a public place that can take a group: a restaurant with a big table, a café, a park with a coffee stand.
3. Ask for a notice at the library, senior center or place of worship.
4. Invite three or four people you know, and ask each to bring someone.
5. Keep it safe and simple: everyone pays their own way, and nobody shares home addresses until they want to.

Example notice: "Over-50s lunch club. First Thursday of each month, 12:30, at the Main Street Diner. Pay your own way, come on your own, all welcome."

Groups online, and where a dating site fits

Many local clubs now organize through websites, email lists and event-listing sites, so it's worth checking those as well as notice boards.

If you want to know who is single before you meet, an over-50s dating site does that part. On Just Senior Singles you can join, build a profile and browse for free; reading and replying to messages needs a paid membership (see what it costs). Our guide on where senior singles meet close to home shows how a site and a local group work side by side, and our guide to singles events covers mixers and speed dating.

Whoever you meet, the usual care applies: meet in public first and never send money to someone you haven't met. Read how to meet a match in person safely before your first date.